3.75. Cinderella complex and Cinderella syndrome are used interchangeably when describing a woman who prefers to depend on a man for stability and wellbeing. NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. Counter-dependency means we depend on each other not from a place of need or desperation, but from a place of desire and feeling grounded. Talk about putting unnecessary pressure on young men! As young women grow older, we often expect the proposal and wedding to be of fairy tale proportions. The term, Cinderella Complex was coined by a therapist from New York, Colette Dowling who wrote the book The Cinderella Complex: Womens Hidden Fear of Independence, originally published in 1981. Saturday & Sunday 9am-5pm, Harley Street For men, you might be okay to provide for yourself financially, but you could struggle to provide for yourself mentally and emotionally. Andrea M. Darcy is a mental health and wellbeing expert, who has done some training in person-centred counselling and coaching. The term was made popular by author Colette Dowling back in the 1980s, when she published a book of the same name. 2 words related to Cinderella: adult female, woman. For instance Jane Austen's Pride and Or have you led your life on hold, waiting for someone else to inspire you? It is less common for women to use declarative statements when they speak. But not for everybody. The changed hours and days, will transform weeks and months! 107,850 others have been my guests. It leads to a condition I call the ''Cinderella Complex.'' - Colette Dowling (1981) In short she described how feelings of inadequacy lead to a desire to avoid responsibility and these feelings are almost universal in women (to one degree or another). We dont even live one minute at a time! While the name of this complex has a dreamy, mystical name, its not something that anyone would want to suffer from. We only live; one moment at a time! Girls will subtly be rewarded for their success with boys and gently but firmly they will be pushed in the direction of becoming a heterosexual partner. NYTimes. Lets make the choiceto serve our families with a selfless attitude. The Cinderella Complex is also an escape from responsibilities. As much as we like to believe in the Cinderella fairy tale, the truth is; real change is not magical, real change is work! Women are taught that men will swoop in and save the day, they can escape all types of responsibilities financially, emotionally and physically. The Cinderella Complex can be interpreted in different ways in today's society and culture. 6 July 2017. Cinderella syndrome, Cinderella complex, and Cinderella disorder all refer to a psychological condition in which a woman fears true independence and secretly expects a "knight in shining armor" to come along and take care of her. Spend time alone until you begin to enjoy being with yourself. It is now about changing womens thinking that dependency does not equal femininity. If you do, then you must work to make it so! Cinderella See Also What is another word for Cinderella? The idea of a handsome gentleman on a white horse who will come to rescueus with true loves kiss (like in Snow White) or saveus fromour hard life trapped in the attic (like Cinderella) looks good in our heads, but never actually happens. Are you an ambitious sort? Who makes everything make sense. "The Cinderella Complex" offers women a real opportunity to achieve the emotional independence that means so much more than a new job or a new love. If you find you are not living the life you imagined, find out what makes you happy. The Cinderella Complex. Exploring your mind. Learn more about: Privacy Policy. Accessed 18 Apr. How to Choose Between Different Approaches, Harley Therapy - Psychotherapy & Counselling, being honest about what your needs are and finding healthy ways to get them met. So it takes time, commitment, and hard work to change. The Reversed Cinderella Complex is the opposite of the Cinderella story. Life is no different. learning to relate in honest ways instead of power games. Content is produced by editor and lead writer Andrea M Darcy, trained in person-centred counselling, and overseen by Dr Sheri Jacobson, retired BACP senior therapist & founder of London-based Harley Therapy Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as Harley Therapy Platform, a network of therapists across the UK. Telling our daughters that they are princesses is never a bad thing, but what we need to be careful of is raising them to patiently wait for Prince Charming to come along just as he did in stories like Cinderella. Deep down you dont want to be responsible for yourself, and fear independence. The Cinderella Complex was studied by researcher Colette Dowling who launched her book The Cinderella Complex: Womens Hidden Fear of Independence. This usually affects those who are unsatisfied with their lives, with their families, or in their relationships, and instead of doing something for themselves to solve their problems, they wait for the knight in shining armor to save them. Doesnt it feel similar to a fairy tale with Cinderella and her Prince Charming? You cannot read it without changing the way you think - and maybe the way you live. Some womens inner need to be rescued develops in childhood where they feel like they have been mistreated or unprotected. If you are tolerant of dysfunction because you dont believe you can make it on your own, you have a Cinderella complex. Cinderellas put all of their hopes and desires aside, and build their lives around the needs and wishes of their partner. What are opposite words of Complex? Today more than ever, society is moving towards accepting all and being kind to one another. All rights reserved. As women, God has called us to a life of service (as Proverbs 31 clearly indicates). There is a gospel song in which the singer asks the Lord to teach them to live one day at a time, but I discovered, that is impossible! The Cinderella trap is one I have recently realized i had fallen into. There is a part of women who are dependent that is buried deep within installed during infancy. To instill that independence is something that should be valued and when given the opportunity to take initiative. In these cases, the prince usually starts to feel overwhelmed and created distance between them, which can be hard for her self-esteem. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a4410c99b3f85f9652a9436ff823f2bb" );document.getElementById("b256adf900").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. The New Year will not even be new if there is no effort to make it new! The transformed weeks and months will translate into a transformed year! 1981. We try to tackle more than we can handle at one time. We connect you with top London-based therapists. It is known that adolescence is a very important time during development. Complex. Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/complex. This complex has a fantasy component, where the women wants to be saved. For most people, the only change that occurs between the last day of December and the first day of January is the change on the calendar! However, this cant be the rule, but ratherthe exception. Moreover, the very same opportunity to take initiatives should be granted to the girls as well. Web. The Cinderella complex is one end of a spectrum, and many of us swing wildly from one side to the other in a reactive cycle. Why I Havent Accepted Jesus as My Personal Savior! There are many ideas how the Cinderella Complex left fantasy and entered reality. Basically, it is a complex (or syndrome) that leads women to believe that they are 'damsels in distress' in need of rescuing from a male suitor. In a relationship we are strangely needy and panicky. You should fill your glass before pouring into others. Napoleon Complex The Short Man Syndrome. 7 Common Defence Mechanisms Are They Holding You Back? It is so true, we focus so much on our unrealistic expectations and end up disappointed in life. Don Juan Complex The Hypersexual Disorder. Ill get pregnant and stay home with the baby for six years or so. Yes! How to grow out of the Cinderella Complex? I can attest to this because I myself have suffered from this twisted mentality on occasion. The Cinderella Complex still lingers and women continue to be unconsciously motivated by old assumptions that they are damsels in distress and need to be dependent on a man. Deep down in our hearts, every little girl yearns to be loved like that. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older. 634 opposites of complex- words and phrases with opposite meaning. In 1955, the term Cinderella complex was already used by British writer Agatha Christie in her detective story Hickory Dickory Dock. As teenagers, girls often expect boys to pursue them (rightly so) and for them to then bend over backwards to meet their every desire. That mindset is so subtly instilled in us our whole lives. It is a daily choice we must make as women: to serve or demand to be served. But, I understand that the New Year will not be happy just because of wishes for it to be so! Society teaches women that mens decisions mean more than theirs and therefore they have more power. Do not worry, there is some hope to getting rid of the Cinderella Complex. Psychology Behind the Cinderella Complex. This desire is caused by a fear of taking responsibility for their actions and taking care of themselves, or by a need to feel protected. If youre not comfortable in a relationship, or if you feel like you have to play a certain role and fulfill expectations, something is wrong. If youre not comfortable in the relationship because you feel like you have to act a certain way, that you have to placate and please them, something isnt working. While the synonyms complicated and complex are close in meaning, complicated applies to what offers great difficulty in understanding, solving, or explaining. The new crisis of the Cinderella Complex. Parents and guardians should always provide them with a platform and assist in finding others just like her; in search of their independence. By continuing to use this site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. 2023. The love for yourself comes from within and not from others approval or opinions about you. The Cinderella Complex is an unconscious desire in women to be taken care of by others (mostly men). Ive often heard and believe that womens romance novels (even the Christian ones) are womens version of porn because we use our imaginations so well we can easily mix the fairy tale with reality. Whether it is more likely for women to use modifying phrases such as like, sort of, and I guess when speaking. 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